Portland. Sigh. So pretty.
I won't beat around the bush: being home was hard. I love Portland. I love the Northwest. I love the air that I breathe when I get off of the airplane. I love the green trees and the long walks that I get to take with my mother. I love the Oregon Coast and Mt. Hood. I love the memories that come back when I am there. But, it's just hard. I realized the other day that it marked seven years since I had moved to Utah. I now officially call Utah home. Which is weird. I love Utah. I love the mountains and the weather and my life here. My life is HERE. And I think that was part of the problem. When I was in Oregon, it wasn't my home. I didn't have my adorable brick home and my own bed; I missed my doggy because she wasn't with us. I missed my own separate LIFE. I felt micro managed by my parents and fights happened between sisters. It was hard.
But, it wasn't all bad. I love being around family. I loved staying up until 3 AM playing Cards Against Humanity with my siblings and laughing so hard I nearly peed my pants. I loved going on walks with my mom in the forests. It's a catch-22. I want to be around my nieces and nephews and brothers and sisters. I don't live near most of my family so it is fun to catch up, but then I am also reminded how different I am from them. While lying there one night, I remember thinking: "We were all raised by the same people?" It's almost like you didn't know it in some regard. Maybe I am like my nephew, Dane, when he says "I Don't like nobody." See the hilarious video here.
I love my family. I am grateful for their example and love. Every family has their dysfunction. But, I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that I love my life. I like what I do day in and day out. And I like doing it in my own way. I don't like being told what to do or not do or to be judged so harshly by those around me.
I am proud of who I am, despite the challenges that I am faced with, physically and financially and emotionally. I struggle every day. I am not perfect. I am an adult when I am on my own and in my life. I feel like a teenager when I am with my whole family; I revert back to being the youngest child. Does that make sense?
Anywho, this post is all over the place. I apologize.
Overview: I love my life. I love visiting Oregon. Families are wonderful and complicated all at the same time. All is well.
While in Oregon, T Money and I took a mini escape to Cannon Beach, one of my favorite places. It was cold, rainy and gross in Portland, but the beach was BEAUTIFUL and not windy at all, which made it completely splendid. It was cold, but not near as cold as the city. I walked along the beach and saw all of the dogs and missed my Saylor girl. I had my hot cocoa and dreamed of living along the Oregon Coast. It was a perfect day and I couldn't stop taking pictures, as I'm sure you all saw from my Instagram last week.
My nieces and nephews made me laugh a whole lot. It is so fun to celebrate Christmas with the excitement of little children. And it helps that they are all so freaking adorable.
|Papa is slightly obsessed with my niece, Wembley. She is the FUNNIEST and cutest little girl.|
|Nephew. All of the heart eyes.|
|Tanner was a huge hit with my sisters' boys. They wouldn't leave him alone. He's definitely the favorite. So not fair.|
And then, there are just pretty pictures of Oregon (so gorgeous!).
|Meanwhile, my brother in law in Utah sends me this photo of Saylor loving her life in the million feet of snow. Ha!|
|I love the open fields and wide open spaces in the outskirts of Portland. Lots of beautiful land!|
|But I also love downtown Portland. Such a historic, beautiful, clean city.|
Winter Break was good. And now I want it back. I am waking up every morning with a horrible cold that my husband and students gave to me....welcome back to reality. This is a hard week, the first week back after Winter Break. Its cold, dreary, everyone's tired and sick and it's just one of those months. But we can do it! I got this, guys.
Happy January. Here comes a month of beautiful snow, and hopefully a lot of skiing (see, I turned that around made it positive. Boom.)