My students have this bad habit of speaking everything that comes to mind. Literally. Everything. It's quite annoying. But all of the time I tell them to stop word vomiting over me. That they don't have to say everything they think out loud to the whole class.
But, alas, I am going to word vomit all over y'all.
Hope that's okay.
I've been kind of emotional lately.
It's not the outwardly over-the-top emotional where I cry at every tender thing, kind of emotional. I have been feeling a lot internal struggles recently. Isn't that what a lot of our struggles are, anyway? Internal. Struggles that not many people know about?
I'm not entirely sure why I have been feeling a lot of feelings. It's not that I am depressed or sad. In fact, I am so incredibly content and happy with where I am in my life. After yesterday's post, I am so overwhelmed with love and gratitude for all of the supportive, kind, thoughtful responses I received. It's amazing what writing from the heart does. It's simply that I have had a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head and heart. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. Its simply that I have been weighted, in a way, by these feelings and thoughts.
I can't even begin to tell you where they came from. It's sort of just hit, like a pile of bricks.
And like I stated before, it's not that I am sad. I'm not crying all the time, or mad at someone all of the time, or even bitter to any extent.
I just have been feeling a lot. I feel things very deeply all of the time, but this is different. It's an even deeper feeling. This happens from time to time. And I have found that sometimes it starts with stress and exhaustion. Today I was gone for 13 hours. Ha. And I thought I would have time to do a play! I have this desire and urge to get back on stage; to sing and perform. But right now that's not really an option. I need to savor my energy and put that energy into other things. Right now that is my teaching, my health, my calling and young women, and my relationships. And I have to remind myself that it's okay. It's okay to not do everything that I want. I have to let some things go, and right now that is going to have to be it. Priorities, baby!
I have recently been feeling sadness because I feel like my effort with friends is completely disregarded. I feel like old friendships are dying, even when I make effort, and that its difficult to make new friends, especially when you're married without kids! I feel like in order for people to socialize with me, I have to do everything, and even when I do, I don't feel like I am treated the way that I should be by friends. And it's disheartening. Tanner said to me other night, "Who's your best friend?" And I almost lost it. Because, even though I have so many amazing friends. I don't have that one best friend. The one who I can call any time about anything. And it makes me sad.
I have recently been feeling angry that I can't seem to get the energy or time to lose this weight that I have been, literally, carrying around.
I have recently been feeling exhausted because I feel like I am constantly on the go. I feel like I am running nine million ways. And they are all good, worthwhile, important things, but alas, I do feel that way.
I have had to make quite a few changes in my lifestyle since summer: with my testimony and religion, with my sleeping and eating habits, with my time management, with my thought processes, with my classroom, with this blog, and much, much more. Change makes me think a lot and that may be a factor. Again, I need to remind myself that it's okay for change to happen. And it's okay to feel the things I do. I am not a weak person for having lots of thoughts and feelings, even if others may not be that way.
I just have to keep reminding myself to think good thoughts. I am doing so many good things in my life. I am working hard to be better, in all facets. Isn't that what life is all about?
One of my favorite things to do when I feel this internal battle is go to my Pinterest and scan my Life Quotes, Overcoming, and My Faith Boards and look at some quotes. I find that it gives me perspective on life.
Plus, I am obsessed with quotes. Don't you agree?
Here were some of my favorites this evening: (yes, I narrowed it down from 50 to like 20. Be proud).
What are you some of your favorite quotes?
Do you find that quotes help you in your life?
Do you ever have periods of time like this?