So, this one time when I was home in Portland, I went to my niece's preschool graduation. Because, apparently having a 2 hour preschool graduation is a huge thing nowadays. At least, for Nike Graduation, it is.
I walked in, and I pretty much dropped to the floor.
You've got to be kidding me, I thought to myself.
Think: lights everywhere, decked out auditorium that was larger than my high school auditorium, hundreds of parents with their phones out, screaming for their children, etc. Are you with me yet?
So, yea...Here's what needs to happen if you would like to be an ostentatious, overzealous, hoity-toity parent who sends your child ages 3-5 to the most insane preschool ever, more specifically, have a preschool graduation that is (apparently my sister is one of these? Love ya Lex).
1. You need to make sure that that the stage is larger and nicer, with better lighting than your college auditorium.
2. You need to make sure that you have 50 parents taking photos and waving at their children incessantly. You will also need to make sure that people are yelling at their children as they are doing their graduation walk into the room with loud music blasting. (And it helps when your niece tries to cut in front of the line and you just laugh instead).
4. You will need to make sure that there is a very professional-looking slideshow with music of all of the kids and their pictures.
5. You will need to make sure that 5,000 preschool graduates are on stage singing the exact same song. (On the very large stage, remember. With lights and music--the whole sha-bang). You will also need to make sure that your niece is the only child really bouncing on stage. (Look closely in the second row. The little blonde curls bouncing up and down are hers. We love dancing, what can we say? Girl's got rhythm).
6. You will need to make sure that you have both sets of grandparents, your parents, and two aunts at the event because they will spoil you and give you flowers and make you feel like a princess. (pretty sure Brizzy was in heaven).
All in all, it was a great afternoon. No, seriously. Better than any graduation that I have been to. Not sure what that says. I feel like I was in an episode of Modern Family. I was looking around for Cameron and that little asian daughter of theirs the entire time….
My children are screwed.