Sierra's View: A Deep Breath.

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Tuesday, July 16, 2013

A Deep Breath.

A shot from our bridals

Well. It's almost here. In 12 days, I will officially become Mrs. Tanner Charlesworth. 
It's a miracle--I finally have a few minutes to sit down and write about the process of being engaged, in love, and taking the biggest step of my life. 
Ever since I was little, I dreamed about this day. Now, I am not a girly girl. Never have been, never will be. With that being said, I love lace, polka dots, colors, pearls, dresses, etc. It's an interesting irony because 70% of the time I don't wear make up and forget to put pants on, but when I actually put clothes on, I love the vintage, classic style of clothing. Which is why I chose that theme for my wedding. My dress, the invitations, the reception, everything has a "classic vintage" look to it and I can't wait to show you all! 
But, I will talk more about the details of my wedding at a later time. No need to spoil it all now. 

Being engaged is hard. You can try to explain to me how "wonderful of a time it is"and "try to enjoy this time because it will be over soon", but whether you like it or not, in my personal experience, being engaged has been HARD. 
It is exhausting. I swear planning a wedding is like a part time job. And I'm not even that picky!!!! All the decisions, choices, research, time, etc. It's stressful, time consuming, overwhelming and just plain tiring. At first, I will admit, I was so excited to plan. After about two weeks, I was done with it. I was sick of all the constant opinions I was receiving from everyone.

Adding to the wedding planning, I felt like Satan has completely taken over all of the confidence I have built over my entire life and shred it into pieces. I have never felt worse about my body and my self. That little devil (pun intended), for the last three months, has been trying everything in his power to get me to hate myself. He knows that if I can attack myself and be my hardest critic (one of my downfalls anyway) that I will not want to be married to this wonderful amazing man. 
It is difficult because I feel like I have to be this "perfect" bride with the perfect body and the perfect wedding. Being in Utah County and Pinterest doesn't help those two struggles either. Everyone and their dog is getting married and once again, like always in Utah, it's a constant competition. I gave up on trying to compete and just did what I WANTED to do after about a week of planning. Ha.

I have never fought with Tanner so much. Now, it could just be hormones or stress or that time of the month, but we had our first big fight while being engaged. We didn't fight when we were dating. At all. So it was an interesting adjustment to have a fight, especially in this incredibly stressful time. It taught me a lot about patience, forgiving, and my struggles (yes, even more than I thought! marriage will do that). Conversely, it also showed me how much I truly loved him. And it made me see so many Christlike characteristics in him that made me know that this thing was going to work. 
Adding on to the all of that, I have been nannying, moving, getting a classroom together and trying to make Bikram Yoga & the gym. I never see my friends anymore. The only person I see is Tanner. Haha. Another adjustment.

But, alas, we have made it this far. I feel like the end of this rough period is over. I just want to be with him. I just want to be sealed for time and all eternity in the Portland Oregon LDS Temple. I am done worrying about the silly last minute touch ups for my reception, because that is not the important part. I love Tanner and I want to celebrate and enjoy the happiest time of our lives. And this is exactly what I am going to do!
Tanner's brother is in the hospital and will not be able to make our wedding. Tanner's grandparents are staying back to help take care of his 14 year old brother, and we are so bummed that they are all missing the wedding. My grandfather will also be in the hospital for my wedding. All of these people will not be in attendance at my wedding. :( And as much as that hurts, I know that they will be there in Spirit. Just hard to not have them there. It's such a special day for me, and I want all of those whom I love to be there. Keep them in your prayers, will you? 
After all, I want it to be a party!!!!
Here we go, people! 4th quarter!


  1. Ugh I hear ya. Being engaged was not fun at all. So must stress, worrying, emotions, and waiting. We were engaged for 7 months but it felt like 10 years I swear. Haha.You're so close!!

  2. Agreed! Being engaged is SO HARD. You think it will be all blissful & everything. NOPE. My now husband & I had some of the worst fights we've ever had during our engagement. & we were only engaged for 6 months! We look back now & laugh at it ,but its seriously hard. I felt like a crazy person most of the time. lol.

  3. I am so, so excited for you! And I am so glad that you can identify the lies of the enemy. I know it doesn't make it any easier, but I'm proud of you for recognizing that those are straight up LIES.

    You are going to make the most beautiful bride :)

  4. I agree with you that being engaged sucks. I'm impressed you and Tanner got all the way until engagement to fight. Greg and I fought like bandits when we were engaged- it sucked so bad! The good news is that says nothing about the quality of your marriage- in fact I think fighting before marriage is good because you know how to handle and deal with the arguments better when they inevitably do come after marriage.

    Wow. That was depressing. Marriage rocks.

  5. You are doing great Sierra. I am so proud of you AND I feel terrible about being one of "those" people who will be at your wedding in spirit. I am sure it will be a lovely day and you are a beautiful bride.

  6. I am so happy for you! I can't wait to see the rest of your pictures. Being married is THE BEST. Seriously. Every day is better than the last.

  7. Can we just be friends? I have a wedding coming up, and like you, I'm a totally independent person. He's right for me, but at the same time, sometimes I think "Why should I even try working towards this? I can manage perfectly well on my own." Your blog is so down to earth and real. And I'm super impressed you can blog and teach. I teach high school and am going to grad school, so it's hard to work much else in. Props. Major props to you, homegirl!


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