Sierra's View: June 2012

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Friday, June 29, 2012

Sometimes, I Wear Actual Clothes...

....but very rarely.
Side story: When I was a little girl, I hardly wore clothes. My family had a few acres in California so the need for clothes was pointless, right? I would ride around in my little toy jeep in the nude. I'd wear a swimsuit or underwear on a good day. I would scream when my mom would try to brush my hair or put clothes on me for school. I was a free spirit, okay? It's fine. Don't judge. Anyway, I kind of feel like that habit, if you will, has transpired to my current living state because I hate getting ready in the morning. I'm all about the au natural look. However, don't get me wrong, I do love clothes. A lot. I love the creativity and colors that you can mix and match. I love that I have found my personal style and am totally working it! I just don't have the energy, time, or money to follow through on it sometimes, ya know? 

But!
I won this beautiful necklace from Cheerfully Charmed on Ashley's blog: Hudson's Happenings!!
Guys, I never win anything. Ever.
So, naturally, I was so fuh-reaking excited!!!
I put on actual clothes to show that I do love clothes and do actually have an okay fashion sense.
Thank you, thank you. I do what I what I can.


SO ARTSY.
just kidding. Just instragram.
Come follow me! @sisiainge

See, this is why I love blogging.
Free, awesome jewelry?
The forcing to put on cute clothes?
AND make blogging friends?
OKAY.

Happy weekend!!!
Guess what?
I'M GOING TO OREGON for the 4th of July. BRB.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Long, Long Hair!

So I have really long hair. Like, really really long. 

See for yourself:



*side note: Yours truly has never died her hair. Are you proud? 

And the straightener that I currently have is not helping it grow, ya know? It sometimes makes my hair frizzy and it is not helping the split ends that I find myself constantly picking! I really need it to shine it like those models. Is that just too much to ask?! 

BUT. HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS!!!!
Misikko Beauty, luckily, is doing an amazing giveaway to help me (and 2 other winners), possibly, win a new straightener and blowdryer to make my long, luscious blonde hair look amazing. 
Misikko Beauty Products is an incredible site. Their prices are lower and their products are even better!!! I love this site. I found myself looking around for a very very long time. Oh, the price we pay for beauty (hardy har, get it?)  

I pray, no I plead, for Misikko to allow me to win this giveaway!!
If I were to win, this is what I would buy!!  My "Wish List" if you will: 




HANA Professional Flat Iron. 


and.....







But, here's where you come in, readers. Are these good choices? Do any of you use either the straightener or blowdryer? You guys are all beautiful--help a sista out!
Wish me luck!
Cheers!
xoxo. 

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Are You Ready For This?




I don't think I have had a good night's sleep in about five days.
(I mean, I slept last night because I took a Tylenol PM. But then I woke this morning absolutely delirious.Drugs work, people.)
I'm exhausted. I'm physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. I am so completely tired, my emotions are exponentially heightened, which doesn't help. At all. As my sister says, I'm a "drama queen" so it really just jumbles together, right? I have written and re-written this post over and over again because nothing I type seems to appropriately express the rawness of this situation. Every single time I turn on my car, a song comes on that is too relatable. I can't watch a movie without taking every single act of strength to not let a tear come out. I cannot even log onto stupid Facebook without constantly being reminded. Every single time my phone goes off, my heart stops for a second. Half of my heart wants it to be him and the other half wants him to be completely erased from my life.  Reading this perfect post from Erin didn't help either (so well written though, girl!).

I had a great day yesterday. Wonderful, actually. I realized that I am surrounded by so many incredible friends. I don't think my family members have called me this much in...well...ever. I realized that the Savior is here to help me through this. I met some new awesome bloggers (welcome new followers! You ladies are lovely!) I laughed. A lot. (More on all of this later). Yet, even through this wonderful day, even after I laid in my bed last night and reminded myself that "tomorrow is a new day!" I awoke this morning, feeling like I got hit by a bus. And no, it wasn't just because of the Tylenol PM. Although that probably did have quite an affect. ha. 

And here, my friends, is the cold, hard, blunt truth: 
Break ups suck.
Profound, right?

I didn't know if this was something that I wanted the world to know because it's a little too "dramatic" (see what you've done to me now, Mckenna?) but then I realized something: This is MY blog. My LIFESTYLE blog. You want to read about life? This is life. This is the real stuff. The awful, traumatizing, inexplicably dramatic workings of life. So, I write. My feelings. My thoughts. My hardships. You don't have to read this blog. After all, isn't this how people relate? This is how humans work. When you understand, even if it's just a little bit, what someone else is going through, that's when we connect. And my dear reader, I love, more than anything, to connect with others. So I hope this will allow you to understanding my current situation.

Here's some more reasons about why I am writing about this:
-I am sick of talking about it. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Talking about it, saying it all out loud, just makes me anxious about my current situation and my future.
-Writing is therapeutic for me. That's why I started this blog. To get things down. Writing this helps me analyze it in my brain. It allows me to say what I need to say and possibly release the anxiety, sadness, and stress that is associated with my current state. Sometimes I fear that I'm turning into that girl. You know that crazy ex who is far too emotional? Yea, that's why I'm writing this. So that I can get it out HERE and not in real life. Make sense? Haha.
I understand that some people will probably hate me for this. But, for once, I am doing this for ME. 

Long story made short: I met this boy Summer of 2010. We will call him: Ethan. Found out that he was a pre missionary. I was pissed. I, then, told myself that it was just a summer fling and was going to have a romantic, short thing. Uh, well, yea, we fell in love. Hard core. He left on a mission for my church. My heart broke. He comes home in 7 months. I'm still writing him. I still love him.

Fast forward to current day: I met this boy. We will call him: Blake. A mutual friend has been trying to set us up for months. We text, call, Skype every day. I am completely smitten. Completely. He flies out to Utah. Literally one of the best weekends of my life. I have never fallen for someone, I have never had a connection with someone, more than I had with Blake. I am not even going to try to explain what the connection was. For me, at least. It was like a movie. I didn't know that feelings, connections, like those (these?) existed. I always made fun of people in these situations, until I hugged Blake the second that I saw him. I'm pretty sure my mouth hurt from smiling so much. I was completely myself around him. I found that my walls were broken very quickly. We decided to try it out. We jumped in quick, yes, but it worked. It just worked.

I'm not entirely sure what happened. A minor freak out happened on Saturday. (I still wonder what would have happened if I had not reacted in the way that I did?) Essentially what happened was he found himself falling hard for me and he was scared. He lives in another state. And I live in Utah. Our relationship was at a point where it needed to progress and that couldn't happen when we were living a thousand miles apart (and we will not be living near each other anytime soon). He, also, explained that he, essentially, was not going to continue to fall for me and then have me say goodbye for Ethan in 7 months.

I understand Blake's concerns. He does not want to put his whole heart into something when I could say peace out in the near future. And it is very difficult to continue to fall for someone when you live so far apart.

And this is where my head and heart clash.
My heart says: if he really wanted to be with me, if he really wanted me bad enough, if he really wanted to fight for me, he wouldn't give up on me. And that's how I feel. I feel like he has completely, utterly, given up on me. 
My head says: Take your space. Take your time. You guys can continue to get to know each other.  You don't know what could happen in the near future. 


You know what I have decided? To follow both. I still have so many feelings for him. I do. I do not have to make a decision in my life right now. I do not have to say goodbye to anybody at this moment. 

It's very difficult to have that kind of passion, that kind of chemistry, have all of those feelings for someone and than to take a step back in a relationship. I have just found that it, often times, does not work out. I'm not entirely sure why. It just doesn't. But, unlike him, I'm willing to fight. Does this make me crazy? Probably. But this is the fair balance of following my head and my heart.

But, then here's how I feel right now:
I feel like I'm in the process of the grieving stage. It's quite strange, really. One minute, I will be totally, completely, at peace with the entire situation. And literally, minutes later, I will fall apart. You know that sadness where you fall to the floor, your heart feels like it's broken into two pieces, and you cannot fathom getting up? Yea...that....My emotions are on edge. I'm on edge. I feel like I could fall apart at any given moment. I feel like a zombie half the time. I'm not hungry, but when I am, I only want a Diet Coke and carbs. It is very weird to not have someone to talk to at all times. It's hard not having someone to tell stories to. It's hard not to have that connection with someone. Ya know? Heart broken. Its hard. There are times when I feel like I got hit by a bus. Like I have said before, unrequited love, may be one of the hardest feelings in the entire world.

The situation is a little more difficult than that, but the inner workings are things that can only be felt and not explained. I miss Blake. I do. But I also miss Ethan. I said it. And missing somebody may be the second hardest human emotion. Try missing two people.

Yet, through this whole mess, this is what I've learned:

-How lucky am I? That I have been so blessed to actually feel these things. To understand what it means to have that kind of chemistry, passion, connection and love towards someone else? To learn from another human being, to be able to work on yourself and your relationships with a member of the opposite sex? Some people never have that experience. And no matter what happens, I am grateful for Blake. Blake is wonderful. Truly. And whether Blake or Ethan, or neither, are in my life in the future,   I am grateful that I am becoming stronger through this experience. I am learning so much about trusting in the Lord's will. I am reading my patriarchal blessing and trying to find what is the best thing in my life. I am learning that I need to stop looking so far into the future, but to just try to love in the moment.
-Love is a risk. And you have to be willing to get hurt. Don't be afraid to fall in love. There is nothing wrong with pain. It's okay to not be okay. You have to be willing to take the risk, even if it means there is a chance of heartache in the end. If you truly want someone, fight for them. It's that simple. I have taken some time to heal. It's kind of nice, really. I am finding what I really want.
-Being head over heels for someone is really amazing. But it can really suck if it's not being reciprocated. haha.

I do not know what's going to happen, but I do know that I am willing to fight. And that's what real strength is, right?

Please forgive me for the brutal honesty. Can you see my predicament?
It's hard to be wanted, but the wanting not really being reciprocated.
Does that sentence make any sense?
Probably not.
My head hurts. Too many emotions. Everywhere.
Sigh.
xoxo.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Vulnerability.

Something that hits a little too close to home right now.
I know it's long, but I promise that it is worth it. 
This is thought-provoking, deep, perfect, and so true.
You're welcome. 

 

P.S. Boy, oh boy do I have some FUN stories for you.
Today was a really good day.
I needed it.
Aren't you all grateful for days when you can bask in your vulnerability and just let yourself be okay with not being okay? Or is that just me? 

Dear Me {7} :

I totally forgot to write my Dear Me Letters last week! My mind has been a wee bit preoccupied so we will be doing it on a Tuesday now! Hooray! (I'm sure you were all super upset about it, huh?)

Dear Me,
Don't listen to Adele. Stay far away from her right now. It will only make this entire situation with him even more difficult.

Dear Me,
hahahahahahahahaha. every day.




Dear Me,
You do your best writing at night. You also do your most dramatic writing at night. But sometimes those things correlate, right? No? 

Dear Me,
You get to new meet new bloggy friends at the meet up tonight! Who's going to be there? I am excited!

Dear Me,
You voted today. Are the rest of you proud? YOU'RE AN AMERICAN, DAMN IT. (sorry mom)

Dear All of You,
As you can tell from that last sentence, I have no filter right now. I don't know what it is happening, but  I am being overtaken my apathy and sarcasm. Ahhhhh. NBD. 

Dear Me, 
You don't know who you love on the Bachelorette! Arie is just sweet. Sean is hot. And Jef is so cool. This is a real issue, people. Do we know which one Emily likes the most? 

Dear Me,
You are obsessed with this word. It's fun to say. It's a great movie. It has an incredible meaning. It reminds you that good things happen, even in the midst of difficult times. Good things always happen. Everything happens for a reason as well. 


Dear Me,
You are so emotional. Quit it. 

Dear Me,
It's too hot. You know I shouldn't complain. But whatevs. 95 is too hotttttttt. 

Dear Me,
Remember how awesome your friends and family are? They have been amazing the past few days. Be grateful for them. 

Dear Me,
You go home to Portland in three days. HOLLA. 

Dear Me,


Other Letters to Myself:



Write your own Dear Me Letters!
LINK UP.
Only rule: Please put this button at the end of your post!
You are welcome to say my name or link them back here too. 
*Copy the html code and paste it into your post.  Click the enter button to link up.

Oh, Just Living the Dream


Sunday, June 24, 2012

Currently


got this from my friend, Lyndsee. 
I have so many things I want to write about, but this is all I can put into words right now.
I try not to write posts in the midst of constant tears, but I did last night. I'm trying to decide if I want to post that. But this is what you get for now. 
It's been a rough little while.  
Bear with me. 

Thinking about: 

Listening to: 




Planning on: getting through the day tomorrow. Ha. 
Excited for: Going home to Portland on Friday. 
Worried about: making the right decision over him. 
Happy about: my amazing friends and family who have been nothing but supportive, sympathetic and incredible the past 24 hours. 
Thankful for: knowing that everything happens for a reason. 
Upset about: the break up. 
Amazed over: how much a good, long cry can soothe the soul. 
Smell like: 

Bath and Body Works Stress Relief lotion. yummy
Preparing for: the worst. Ha. And decorating my classroom. 
Surprised about: how difficult it is to go from having someone be in your life than disappear in the matter of minutes. 
Praying for: peace
Look like: a 5 year old who just threw her hair into a messy braid. 
Obsessing over: Dr. Pepper. That stuff will be the death of me. 
Really wanting: to not have to live 1,000 miles away. 
Feeling like: a zombie. It's all just numbness right now. 
Reminding myself:

xoxo. 

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Look! I'm blogging from my phone!

Hooray for working on my (sometimes poor) problem solving skills with others.

#imgrowingup #introvertproblems

That is all.

On another note...
Here's why I've been MIA from the blogging world:

-I went to Utah Valley Parade of Homes. Ya know, cause I have the money.
- I went to warped tour. I saw some kids that are probably way cooler than me. No, who am I kidding? They are definitely way cooler than me. I may or may not have been the only blonde there...
-I have been playing A TON of monopoly deal. I'm slightly obsessed.
How cool am I?
-I've been on the phone. A lot. With a certain someone, too. A lot. And swimming. A lot. And decorating my classroom. A lot. And spending time with my cohort at school. A lot. I really like them. A lot. I've been to the temple to receive some (a lot of) answers.


I have resorted to using the blogger app on my phone for posting. DON'T HATE ME. I'll come back soon. Like, really come back. Pinky promise.
It's summer, people! Just gotta play. Ya dig?

Come find me on Instagram: sisiainge

Xoxo.

Rodeos, weddings and fun this weekend! Perhaps some more 'Sierra' and sleep time, too? Mmmm I vote yes.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Teacher, Teacher.

Thoughts on my future 4th grade classroom.


via
Um, this actually might be my future actual child. I'd be okay with that. 

I  believe each child is important, that each child can be internally motivated and that they can work with others to succeed. I learned that in my 6th grade class. My teacher, Ms. Misner, made that known through her personal attitudes toward my fellow classmates and me that school year.  I always enjoyed school, but I struggled with some particular subjects. As a kid, for example, doing math frustrated me because it didn’t come natural. Yet, because of my teacher, and her positive example of community, kindness, support, guidance, and help I received, I was able to progress. This positive influence from her and my other class members allowed me to ultimately succeed, amidst the frustration I sometimes felt.  As I plan my future classroom, I am trying to correlate how I felt at some point so that my future students do not feel the same way that I did.
 Once a week, I want to have a sharing time incorporated into a morning meeting where one student brings their favorite book in and can practice reading to the class. This allows for the students to not only practice their fluency skills, but allows them to share something. Once a week, I will also allow the class “MVP” or student of the week to talk about their posters and bring in treats. Most importantly, the purpose of incorporating morning meetings is so that each of my students understands that their thoughts, opinions, and feelings are important.
It sounds cliché and idealistic, but when my students can feel my love, concern, and support for them their success will flow immensely! Great teachers balance high expectations with a safe place to fall. Flexibility, pure love for the students, a positive attitude and consistency are mandatory for a successful classroom. There will be days when I do not want to be there. There will be days when I do not want to get out of my car and step into my classroom, but I have to leave everything that is happening internally and externally outside of the classroom in that car and use that consistency to make it through the day. 
My goal is to be uplifting. How can a parent argue with me if I am letting them know that I am on their child's team? That I am trying to understand their perspective? After all, I am working for the parents, right? Here's the reality: you cannot get higher than a parent's child. 
It is important for my students to have internal motivation. The whole idea of having a strong community is that I want my students to act without prompting. I want teamwork and camaraderie to be who they are and how they choose to behave, not something foisted upon them by me.  I want my students to feel and iterate the concepts of confidence, enjoyment, enthusiasm, and value so that the students feel worthwhile.  School can be quite rewarding. Allowing the students to feel confident in their abilities is a battle in itself. School also, can, at times, require a lot of hard work, but more importantly, the students need to have a basic core of confidence in themselves--that they are capable of figuring the answer to a problem by themselves. Enthusiasm, on my part, is mandatory for the kids to truly enjoy themselves and to learn. If enthusiasm isn’t incorporated into the learning process, the process becomes mundane, boring, and the students are far less likely to learn. Flexibility and rich understanding are also important aspects to include when analyzing the community that I want present in my classroom. Having my students be able to communicate (whether that’s in writing, speaking or listening) their answers and steps with one another is not only important in the education system, but in life in general. It is important for the students to understand topics through class discussions.  
I want to be able to have my students be able to work together through teamwork. Growing up, I always played sports. I have learned that my basic core of hard work and learning to deal with others stemmed from my experience in sports--when I had to learn to work with others who played a little differently or thought differently than I did. This does not mean that the individuals in my classroom are no longer important; however, it does mean that effective and efficient teamwork goes beyond individual accomplishments. The most effective teamwork is produced when all the individuals involved harmonize their contributions and work towards a common goal. Having a common goal with the other students and as a whole group allows for individuals to succeed. Physically, for my classroom environment, I will have the students in table groups to help boost this teamwork idea. Each week there will be a “team captain” where one student can help be “in charge” but this will allow the students to practice their teamwork skills when given group assignments. I want to have our class creed up on the walls with quotes regarding teamwork, internal motivation and confidence.
I recently have been listening to some public speakers throughout the area who are involved heavily in education. One lady said, "I have never met a student that I didn't like." How true is this? There have been behaviors that I don't like from kids, but I promised myself, right then and there, that I will never dislike a child's spirit or personality. 
........now, I breathe. Haha.

I write this to all of you to gain some perspective. What do you think of this? Some of you wonderful followers are parents. Some of you are teachers. Some of you are just really smart. Ha. 
What is your initial response? Any advice or extra thoughts on this matter? (be kind please!)
xoxo. 

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Papa.


Happy Father's Day 2012 to David "Papa" Ainge!

To the man:
who has a laugh that can move mountains
who is a wee bit overprotective over his youngest daughter
who is so incredibly in tune with the Spirit
who pretends to not care about sports, when in reality, he gets far too anxious about them
who is, literally, my biggest fan throughout life
who is the biggest supporter and cheerleader I know
who  loves his children and grandchildren more than anything in the world
 who pretends to hate Simba, our cat, but secretly loves having a buddy
 who looks scary and big, but has the kindest heart
who can, at times, get a little intense (it's okay, it gives you personality)
who is an incredible public speaker and extremely talented writer 
(I like to think I inherited those characteristics)
who is very good with people. Mr. Charmer!
who, I'm pretty sure is African American. 
(Seriously, how come I am so white?)
who is full of sympathy, empathy, concern, and kindness for others. 


Thank you for your support, love, example, advice, and spirit throughout all these years, Dad. 
I love you so much and am so grateful for you.
Your baby,
Sisi

Other Post about Dad here


Hope you all have a wonderful Father's Day! Celebrate with those whom you love!
xoxo

Friday, June 15, 2012

OH MY GOSH.

Watch all of these. SO HILARIOUS.
And yes, this was filmed at my college.
GO UVU. 
See, we do some things well.