Sierra's View: April 2012

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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Unrequited Love and Other Thoughts.

Sit back and relax. I really want your input on this one.
"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. The kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms." 
Iris (Kate Winslet) in The Holiday. 


Not only do I love this movie and the classy Kate Winslet, this quote has been quite apparent and applicable in my life recently.
I have stood by and watched a dear friend of mine be, literally, torn apart due to a lack of unreturned feelings from a male. And then, on a smaller scale, I have continuously watched that same thing continue to happen in my own life. Yes, I say "watched" because sometimes I feel like I'm watching my life through someone else's eyes. Is that odd? Am I the only one who does this? 
It's almost as if my inconsistent emotions and feelings are so irrational and frustrating, that I pretend it's not me. It's easier to feel it, to go through it, to experience it, if it seems as though I'm watching and experiencing a highlight (a negative highlight?) reel from someone else's life. 


That's me. Right now. With very minimal makeup on. Sitting outside on my balcony. It's a beautiful Spring Sunday. The sun is shining. It's perfect. I've spent the day organizing and going through things in my room. I came across 8th grade letters from friends I haven't spoken to in awhile. I read letters from people who have influenced me for good. I laughed a little, cried a little, and reminisced a whole lot.
Through this organization (remember when I've been told I was a perfectionist and a daydreamer. yea...not a good combination) I began to think. A lot. 

A few weeks ago, a friend (or a girl who I thought was my friend) told me I was unapproachable and overbearing. She continued to tell me some more negative aspects about myself, which, to be honest, were all so far from the truth. I have never, in my entire life, been told I possessed any of those characteristics. I'm not entirely sure why she said those things. It may have  stemmed from jealousy or I may have been simply a scapegoat for something. Either way, it still hurt. It hurt bad. No one wants to be told those things about themselves. How can that not affect someone's confidence? I started questioning myself and how others saw me. How could it not, you know? I was constantly questioning how I was acting around others. I tried to receive validation from those who loved me the most to solidify that all of those things were not true; to be reminded that that I was a good person with great qualities.
And want to know what happened?
I realized that I truly am a good person.
No. 
I am a GREAT person. 

I don't say this to boast. I say this because I think it is important to remember that confidence is the key to success for anything in life. Confidence will allow you to progress, grow, and be happy
Okay, bear with me. This will all make sense right.about NOW. 
I have learned that this confidence that I have been reminding myself over these past few weeks should be present at all times.
Even in the midst of dating and relationships. (ahhh you see the connection now?)

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."
Iris (Kate Winslet) in The Holiday...again... 

How often have we, as humans, been plagued with the tortuous journey of loving someone who simply does not love us back? I honestly believe that this idea of unrequited love is the worst feeling in the world
It eats at you. It makes you go crazy. 
You start questioning why you aren't good enough, why he/she isn't noticing you. 
Early on, in our childhood, we have to learn that some children don't particularly want to play with us. We have all experienced being left out, being made fun of, or just simply disliked. Unfortunately, as we grow up, we continue to learn this lesson (isn't life just a bigger elementary school?--I tell you I have learned that much thus far from being a teenager. Teaching 2nd graders and college students are the exact same.)
 I have felt this. 
It's terrible. These moments of unreturned love or lust of feelings or whatever they seem to be are tough. Scratch that--it is gut wrenchingly sad, confusing, bare, lonely and vulnerable.
I keep going though, why? Because I know I'm great, even if he doesn't see it. 
I know that some of you may take my advice with a grain of salt, but this is what I have learned from experience:
Focus on yourself.
Yep, never though you'd hear someone say that, huh? 
Focus on your confidence, on your strengths, on your talents, etc.  You cannot force that other person to feel a certain way, but you can change how you see yourself. All you can do is be yourself, focus on bettering yourself, and remember that there are multiple  in your life who love you for YOU. 

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself." *Anna Quindlen*

We don't have to be perfect. We have to be ourselves
You are wonderful.
Keep shining.
and
Kill 'em with confidence. ;)
xoxo. 

Friday, April 27, 2012

Contact, yo.

So.
I have decided to become extra serious about this whole blogging thing.
I have updated my email just for you guys.

Just organizing.
Cause I do that a lot.
Perfectionist. Organized freak. Call it what you want.

Holla at ya, girl!

livingthe.dream@hotmail.com


Oh, and for your musical enjoyment...
my current favorite song (of the day)- Gavin Degraw: Sweeter.
His voice. OH MY HELL. (Am I allowed to say hell on here?)


Thursday, April 26, 2012

Let Go.

I heard this a little while back.
This was the week where my choir first sang I Will Rise for Alex Boye. 
It was that week when he wanted to make a music video after listening to this perfect song.
It was this week, where I was moved to tears when I realized that "letting go" is an idea that takes strength. 
Letting go does not necessarily mean immediate strength, but a constant tug-of-war with your emotions and stamina. 


There are people who can walk away from you. 
And hear me when I tell you this! 
When people can walk away from you: let them walk. 
I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. 
I mean hang up the phone. 
When people can walk away from you let them walk. 
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. 
The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
 People leave you because they are not joined to you. 
And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. 
Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. 
And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. 
You've got to know when it's dead. 
You've got to know when it's over. 
Let me tell you something. 
I've got the gift of good-bye. 
It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.
 It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. 
And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it
. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!! 
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was
never intended for your life, then you need to...... LET IT GO! 
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ....... LET IT GO! 
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth..... LET IT GO! 
If someone has angered you ......... LET IT GO! If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...... LET IT GO!
 If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...... LET IT GO!
 If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents .... LET IT GO!
If you have a bad attitude....... LET IT GO!
 If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...... LET IT GO!
 If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him...... LET IT GO!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....... LET IT GO!
 If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...... LET IT GO!
 If you're feeling depressed and stressed ......... LET IT GO!
 If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to...... LET IT GO!!!















Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of?
Let it go.
xoxo. 

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I know, I know...

....I know
You guys are wondering where all my fantastic blog posts and impeccable writing has run off to?!
Well, I'll tell you. 
It's been here, here, here and here
I'm all over the blog world.
LOOK OUT. Can't stop this girl. 

Why, you ask?
Because finals week will be the death of me and my brain hurts too much to write.
Love me anyway? 

Oh, and here's a preview picture from my show this past weekend.
If you didn't show up...I don't know if we can be friends.
Just kidding. We can. But you owe me. 
(You did miss out on an incredible show, though).

Mi padre and I

My thought process as I looked at the above picture:
-Wow. I look nothing like my father.
-Nephite Costume. So hot right now.
-My hair is reeeeeally long. And I'm totally okay with it.
-I'm not as pasty white as I usually am. SUNSHINE IS HERE.
-sigh. So sweet. This picture is actually kinda precious.
-This was right after I bawled my eyes out through the last show. So many fond memories. Isn't music (and writing that accompanies) incredible?

I'll be back soon. 
I just need a mental break, ya know? 
xoxo. 

Guest Post: Sheila from The FailteHouse


Dear Friends. This is Sheila from the FailteHouse. She and her blog are wonderful. Keep reading. You won't regret it. Go check her out! I am over writing on her blog today, too. ENJOY. 

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Hi There! I am Sheila from The FailteHouse and I am so excited and honored to be over here posting on the lovely Sierra’s blog J  Just trying to live the dream with her ;)   I usually do a Thankful Thursday post, but we put our heads together and decided to spice things up with a fun Thankful Tuesday post on the 20 things we are grateful for!  And because letter’s are awesome….

Dear Gratitude,
 I tend to go hours and sometimes days without thinking about you.  But I wanted you to know I am thankful for so much and just because my little heart can get to focused on things of this world, does not mean you are forgotten.  I am trying to focus on you more… 
On things such as this little computer I am typing to you on, I forget everyone is not blessed with technology.  A family that is supportive of all my little dreams and always there to listen. Friendships that grow and bloom no matter how far apart we are in this world. Weather that surprises me every day with bursts of sunshine, even when it rains.  Palm trees that constantly decorate my front yard and commute to work.  Little kids sticky fingers and sweet hugs. A growing family with new births and marriages on the horizon. Easter candy that still sits so nicely in our candy jar, so I can eat a peace every single day!  Fellowship and a strong community that is constantly close by to encourage and support.  Legs that are learning to like running. A smile that is learning joy can be found anywhere.  A body that is toughing it out and keeping up with cross-fit (laziness you are still not welcome here).  My roommate’s tiny new puppy that could win the cutest puppy contest ;)  Letter’s that always find their way into my mailbox, and remind the magic of a handwritten letter.   Country dancing, yup I said it.  Drinking H2O after a long run. Weekends for sleeping in, until the sun forces me up.  A job that has blessed me with great friendships.  Books that keep opening new doors (C.S. Lewis, you are amazing).  And these are just a few of the things I am thankful for….and I can’t forget this blogland community.  Your support and encouragement keep me writing J



I would love to hear some of the things you are thankful for. You know those things we see or do daily and take them for granted. 
Have a wonderful Tuesday, and if you are feeling extra great today, come stop over at The FaileHouse.  I would love to hear from you!
Xoxo

Monday, April 23, 2012

Guest Post: Two Smuppies and Tagged!

Hi all!
Okay, I am swamped with finals and my show. Are you jealous yet?
Due to this overwhelming stress, I have found that guest posts make more sense. Don't hate me! Hey, this is better because then you don't have to hear me complain about my "oh so stressful life on my blog ;).  I'll be back soon.
However, I have WONDERFUL NEWS. I am proud to present Jes from Two Smuppies today! Jes is currently living in Portland (my home town) and makes me so incredibly homesick whenever she writes. Sometimes I feel like I'm attacking her blog with comments of "I love this about portland..." It's fine. She secretly loves it. Without further ado:
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1.  What is one accomplishment that you are proud of?

One accomplishment that I am really proud of is graduating from the University of San Diego with double honors. I honestly barely passed high school because I was too busy not behaving (Mom, I'm kidding)... and had to go to a junior college to get the credits I needed to transfer. But even with all the obstacles (that I placed in front of myself to get to a 4 year college), I managed to graduate on time and with a GPA that I never thought was possible.





2. What are 3 qualities that you admire & appreciate in others?


The 3 qualities that I admire and appreciate in others have to be trust, honesty, and humility. 
I think other than being able to be honest with everyone and anyone, including yourself, that being able to laugh at yourself wholeheartedly is something that people undervalue and don't really take into account. But I appreciate it so, so much. There is nothing better than someone who laughs at themselves first before everyone else catches on.


3. Early Bird or night owl?

Early bird. Definitely. I am usually asleep by 9:30pm if I don't get a nap in. 



4. Describe what your PERFECT day would be like!


Perfect day? The sun would be shining, but not so much... just the right amount, where all you really need is a light jacket (are you following the movie reference?)... the dog would have already gone to the bathroom on his own, a breakfast burrito would be right next to my face at 10:31 a.m., I would have ZERO work emails, I would go get a burger for lunch and it would be an in&out burger, I'd hang out at the zoo with the elephants and they'd let me play with Packy, I'd have lasagna made for dinner, and then I'd go somewhere for dessert. Perhaps something like chocolate fondue. Even typing it, I knew it was going to be food related :) 

5. Without getting too personal, what is a goal that you are currently working on?

 A goal I am currently working on.... is exercising more. It's nearly impossible with the foods I eat to not feel like a tub of lard at the end of the day, but I find that even if I'm going to the gym for 11 minutes (which I have been known to do)... at least I still went? I'm working on it. I am! Plus, I just signed up for The Color Run and unless I want to be that person that collapses, I need to get my butt in shape. 

6. What is your favorite snack?


OH MY GOSH. You can't make me choose. You can't. To pick one thing would hurt my soul to the ends of the earth and back. Why? Because this is what my snack cabinet looks like. 






7. What are your favorite bands/ artists?
Three words: Team John Mayer. 

8. What is your favorite holiday and why?


My favorite holiday might be Halloween. Even though I don't like being scared, I sure do love the candy that comes with the day. Especially because I have two nieces that don't eat that much candy, so I just dig into their stash. It's so nice having a sister who has kids on holidays. And I love the sales that come the next day!

9. Have you broken any bones or had any crazy injuries? If so, what were they?

Knock on wood, the only surgery I've ever had is wisdom teeth removal surgery. And the first thing I did when they woke me up out of my deep sleep due to anesthesia, was to ask for my teeth. So, I have two of my wisdom teeth hanging out in my apartment somewhere. I should probably find them. 

10. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

In 10 years, I see myself with a family (hopefully). I see myself still with Manturd too because I'm pretty sure we are forever. The only thing that would break us up is if he clips his nails anywhere near my food. I also see myself with 10 dogs but I think I need to work the logistics out for this one first. And I see myself winning the lottery somewhere down the line so that I would never have to work :) 


11. If you could pack your bags and drive to the airport right now without giving a though about money, where would you go?


I think I would go to the south of France. I studied abroad in London while I was in college and did a week in the south of France and to this day, it is still my favorite place on earth that I have ever been to. It is beautiful and I will never forget it. I'd like to go back and stay a little longer and just soak in that sun and eat gelato all day long. Plus, even though people complain about the French... I liked them. 








Thanks Jes! Isn't she awesome, y'all? 
I'm guest posting over on her blog today, too. Check it, yo.
xoxo. 


*ALSO
My dear friend, Allie, did this whole shenanigans where she "Tagged" Me.
I decided to just use the questions that she asked me for the guest post today.
So, my friends, this is my post! I officially tag YOU: all my readers. I'm such a cheater :)
Hey, my sista from another mista (that's you, Allie), this is gonna count because:
1. I am far too exhausted to do the whole thing and 2. You're my bestie so you'll have to love me anyway.
Ha.
LOVES.

P.S. Thank you to Anna over at A Sweet Southern Mess who tagged me for the Liebster Blog Award.
I feel so honored! However, I have already posted about that HERE.
I want you to know that, in spite of the award already being passed onto me (GUYS. I HAVE BLOGGING FRIENDS! MOMENT OF SILENCE) I am still so happy that you did! So thank you!!

Okay, I'm really leaving now. Wish me luck on finals (death) week.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Living Vicariously...


I have so many things that I want to write that I don't even know where to begin.
It's 10:00 on a Friday night and all I want to do is go to bed. I've been up since 5 am. Don't judge... Just love.
Happy 4/20, eh? #Oregonhomegrown. (I kept jokingly saying that to people here today and I don't think they got it. Silly Utah people. Somebody please tell me you know what I'm talking about! Goodness!)
I have my first show tomorrow. (I'll see you there!),
so I need my beauty sleep.
So my loves, I leave with you with these videos of my nieces and nephew.
I know that my sisters probably won't post them because they suck in that aspect (love you guys, anyway).
Ignore the quality. It's more important that you hear: 
*Brizzy's adorable little voice. Holland, my two month old niece who passed away last October, is her make believe friend and she talks about her often. Oh, my heart.
*Dane just chatting away in the bath.
*My niece, Teya, doing her freedom dance. 

I just need to start making a folder of videos and pictures of my nieces and nephews.
I'm a little obsessed.
Hey, I don't have children of my own. I have to live vicariously through somebody.
I gotta find me a man first, right? Isn't that how it works?

I'll see you all tomorrow at the UVU Institute Building this weekend cheering me on.
Oh wait, did I already say that? ;)









Thursday, April 19, 2012

LISTEN!

Listen Listen Listen Listen (Shi* Girls Say, anybody?)

If you live in the Utah area:





I have been given the incredibly opportunity to participate in this choir for the past three years. I am a completely different person because of these past three years with these people (and Br. Eggett!). This is, unfortunately, my last show with them. :( However, I was given the chance to write this show. I have spent many hours praying and working for this show to come to pass (blocking, writing, praying, etc.). It would mean so much to me if you came THIS WEEKEND. Bring friends, family and loved ones! It really is an incredible show. The music is wonderful. The script ain't bad either ;) 
If I can have a little side note here too: 
It is amazing to watch this show come to pass. To see your work actually become something incredible is empowering. I get a little teary eyed just thinking about it. I am so proud of my choir people. You guys are amazing! 
Let me know if you are coming and come say hi if you do. Spread the word!!! You don't have to be Mormon to come, I promise!
This isn't just like a regular choir concert. It's a show--with costumes and actors and singing! You will love. it I promise! The show is only an hour and 15 minutes long and it's FREE!

And in case you can't read the poster above...
When: Saturday, April 21 7:00 pm and Sunday (two shows) 6:00 and 8:00 pm.
Where: Utah Valley University Institute Building
Dress: Anything but sweats. Jeans, skirts, dresses, etc! Just look presentable. Ha. 

P.S. Just, don't make fun of me if you see me bawling my eyes out on stage. Music makes me a little emotional. 
xoxo. 

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

HEY.

JAMBO.
(That's hello in African, if you haven't picked that up yet, which, I might add, would be really sad since I say Swahili words all of the time).
I'm over here today. 
Alyx over at Every Day is a New Adventure was sweet enough to let me overtake her blog. 
Go check me out. ;)

I'm guest posting all over the place, I know. I'm everywhere! 
It's only because I'm way too busy to possibly write a blog post of my own.
Pathetic, right?

Judge me, I dare you.
Love you all! Welcome to new followers!!!! I love having you here!
Seriously, though.

xoxo. 

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Guest Post: On the Adventure


Guys. I have some exciting news!! My dear blogging friend, Michelle, over at the On the Adventure is doing a guest post on my blog today. I found her a blog a little while back and I instantly fell in love with her hip style, her severe coolness, and her hilarious sense of humor. Enjoy!!

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Friends. I need you to know how really, seriously, ridiculously excited I am to be here today! I'm Michelle and when I'm not, you know, overflowing with excitement (like right now) I am the blogger behind On The Adventure.

forTC

I believe that life is just the most wonderful thing and that each day is filled with adventures. I believe in laughing at least fifty times a day and that the perfect cup of coffee can fix almost any situation. I believe that there is just something about dogs and mountains that make me go weak at the knees. I also believe that making friends is easily one the most joy-filled things. Ever. Which is why being here today is. so. awesome.

I have loved, oh so much, getting to know Sierra and I am pretty pumped that she is camping out at On The Adventure today. When you have a chance you need to stop on by and tell her hello! I know she would love to hear from you lovely people!

Sierra and I decided that it would be not only seriously fun but also a great way to introduce ourselves to some new blog friends by compiling a list of 20 random facts about ourselves. What better way to get to know someone than by 20 random life facts? I know, its basically the only way.

So without further ado friends....

1. I. love. glitter. I mean I just don't even know why but I do. And I want to put it on everything.
2. I have a problem with watching TV on DVD over and over. And over. I don't have cable so I pretend like The O.C. is still a hip show and have it constantly playing. Please tell me I'm not the only one!
3. I don't eat egg yolks. Unless its in a cake I'm not going to go near it. I can't tell you why but they just freak me out. But, let's be real, I didn't even starting eating eggs until last year so maybe I'm just weird.
4. I own over 5 half-zip pullover fleeces. Why? I'm not sure. Do I wear all of them? You better believe it.
5. I would prefer to sleep in a hammock over my bed.
6. I can't go to the movies and NOT get Sour Patch Kids. I'm pretty sure that they make movie watching at least 35% more enjoyable. Mathematically proven.
7. I know the words to every Disney song. Seriously. Try. Me.
8. If I could go anywhere in the world right now, I'm pretty sure it would be NYC. I need a cold, rainy day in a dark Brooklyn coffee shop, or an afternoon at The Met. It sounds seriously wonderful.
9. I am pretty sure that getting letters in the mail is the best. thing. ever.
10. My mom sends me coupons in the mail. I love that. And I love her.
11. I use the phrases "Shut up!" and "Stop it!" more than I like to admit.
12. I really, really, REALLY wish I cold play a musical instrument. I've tried playing them all but have never been successful.
13. I often times catch myself talking to my dog. Like having real conversations with him. I'm pretty sure that my neighbors think I'm a crazy person.
14. My toenails are ALWAYS painted. Always.
15. I'm awful at sports. Don't ask me to play anything, ever. We will lose and it will be sad.
16. I have a thing for Aztec-inspired patterns. If it's on something, I buy it. Mugs, pillows, dresses, jewelry. You name it, I have it. (I have a weakness!)
17. I'm awful at returning phone calls. I know, I know. I feel bad, but I just forget!
18. Remember how I said I watch The O.C.? It also makes me REALLY nervous. There are so intense moments on that show. Sheesh.
19. I cannot get enough of the outdoors. Ever. I love it more than I can really even put into words!
20. Let's be best friends.


That. was. so. much. fun. Thanks again, Sierra, for letting me hang out on your sweet blog! 

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Books, Books, Books!

Hello friends.
Finals has been quite stressful the past few days. I feel like my college textbooks are overpowering any other book in my entire life. 
However, I was lucky enough to find textbooks that were more than 50% off online. 
I feel like I have to spend my entire life savings when buying silly textbooks. Luckily, I found this site!!



Introducing Campus Book Rentals: A company that allows you to rent your textbooks for a fraction (save 40-90%) of the price with free shipping each way! You can rent textbook for a semester or even longer. You can set your own rental times and you can even write in the actual books. 

I promise this site is AWESOME. They have helped me save hundreds of dollars on textbooks over the past few years. 

And if you don't believe me, here's an example:

See this book:



List Price: 182.95$

Campus Book Rental Price: 37.62$ (for an entire semester!)

Also, Not only does this site allow you to save money on textbooks, but it also donates money to a child with clef-palate for Operation Smile. 

"So for EVERY book rented starting now, we will donate a portion of those proceeds to Operation Smile with our sights set on meeting and exceeding our goal of 1,000 lives changed. So add that extra book to your cart, and consider this goal as you go back to school this year. Thank you for your support."
-- Campus Book Rentals

Check out this site today!
xoxo. 

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Okay, well...

I swear I am still living, my dear blogging world.
My life is just CRAZY. 

What I have been up to:

-Deep cleaning an entire house. (yea...)
-Homework. Studying. Oh, and more projects&papers. Finals will be the death of me. 
-Seeing ex boyfriends and realizing that I am no longer the person that I used to be and that certain people will come and go from your life. The realization of finally saying, "Wow. It's time to move on," is definitely an empowering one. *
-Choir. Currently at my all day rehearsal. I needed a little "me" time, ya dig? Our upcoming show is next weekend (come! I'll give you more information on Monday!) I wrote the script for the show so it's been quite time consuming, but still a blessing. I cannot believe that next week is my last week of class in LDC. I look back on the past three years and wonder where my life has gone. I am a completely different person because of this choir. #choirnerdalert (more information on that later, too!). 
-Trying to savor moments with friends. I have so many wonderful things happening. I am so incredibly busy, sometimes I forget that blogging helps me deal. I never want this blog to be a burden, but a release, of creativity, writing, and expression for me, ya know? I've been doing a lot of reading in my scriptures and writing in my journal. The few moments that I have to myself I try to do that instead of blog. So, don't take it personal.
-9,743,523 bridal showers. No, but really. Tis the season. Just guess who many weddings I have this summer? 8. And it's only April...
I just wanted you all to know that I haven't completely disappeared. I have been going on a lot of random adventures. Spontaneity is my forte right now. Mostly because I am trying to avoid schoolwork and responsibility. Ha. 

Taking a break from cleaning with Kimmy and going on a little drive up to Ogden.
*Not the best decision. 

Oregon girls at Jessie's Bridal Shower! So fun to see them all! 

Titanic 3D. Changed my life. #katewinsletsboob 
No Name Saloon in Park City. This was a way cool bar. I felt so "PC" and rich. And cool. Ha. 

Look! Uncle Danny in Buffalo Wild Wings! 
Pondering. Look at that view! Squaw Peak with my love. 

Coloring eggs on Easter!
Bdubs4life with my people. 
 xoxo. 

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Easter Sunday Thoughts.

Well, the Easter bunny didn't come to my apartment today.
(Oh, the joys of being a single female and essentially living alone).
But I woke up to sunshine and spent the morning at church with my brother. And that's an equivalent happiness, in my opinion.
As I was sitting there next to Landon, I realized how grateful I am to have a brother who is so close to me in age. I am grateful for the many years of fighting, screaming, playing, and loving. I have a connection with my brother that is unlike any other relationship in my life. I can go weeks without seeing him and when we reunite, things are exactly where we left them beforehand. We couldn't be more different, but we are blood and sometimes that's all that matters. He is one of the kindest people I have ever met. He has never judged me for my stupid mistakes. In fact, he usually just laughs at me when I'm being stupid. He has given me blessings when I have been ill (emotionally and physically). Yes, ladies, he is single. ;)
Later, I am going over to the Charlesworth's for dinner, egg-dying, and Easter traditions. They are so good to me. I am grateful for their kindness, love, and hospitality. They are such good people. We need more of those in the world. 

I was moved to minimal tears (I had to hold them in to keep from sobbing) at church today. I lay awake last night reading my patriarchal blessing begging, in a way, for the some reassurance and validation from the Lord. And I got it today. Tender mercies really do exist.
Here are some quotes and some thoughts that appeared today from some inspired speakers and incredible music:

*Everything we really need to know we learned in Primary:
-(1st Article of Faith) When we believe in a higher power, we are humbled. When we have that belief, we know that there is something worth living for, something worth striving for. 
-(2nd Article of Faith) I am responsible for the things I do, for how I react. It's nobody else's fault. I have had too many encounters this past week where I have, figuratively, been beaten down. I have been told all the negative aspects about myself. My self esteem has been riding on edge because of something someone (a friend of mine) said. And it hurt. More than you can imagine. But I choose how I respond. I choose how I recover. That's the beauty of this life: everything we do is OUR choice. 
-The things we hope for sustain us through our daily walk. There are times when the darkness may seem unbearable, but it is in these times that the gospel helps save us. 
-God will keep his promises. Only Heavenly Father knows our heart. He knows me and he loves me so much. He knows that I am angry right now because of the pain that others have caused me, but he knows that my heart is good and I am trying my best. And that's all that matter. 
-His hope is in us. If we lose hope, we lose confidence in Christ. And He, my friends, is the ultimate confidence booster. So why not trust Him?

I cannot stop watching this video, you guys.
This is my choir, the Latter Day Celebration Choir (at the Orem Institute of Religion). This is an auditioned group and we go all over Utah singing our testimonies. When I auditioned for this choir three years ago, I was unaware of how much it would change my life. I am a different person (and singer!) because of this choir. We sang a song called "I Will Rise" at a devotional for Alex Boye (a famous LDS recording artist) a couple of weeks ago. In the midst of this song, he was moved to tears. After the devotional, he approached my director and expounded on the heaviness of emotion that he felt. He wanted to share this song with the world. So, he asked us to make a music video.
Hours of recording and filming have gone into this music video. Waking up at 1:45 in the morning to film in the Salt Flats of Utah, re-singing the song over and over because we weren't blending, and many emotions have all occurred throughout  process. But, I cannot even begin to imagine the effect it will have on people this Easter season. Alex also wanted to put a little bit of African music in this particular song. So it has a little more to it with the African drums, etc. (Yes! My fellow Africans can enjoy now! Ha)
So, I ask you all to watch this video (song is available to buy in iTunes as well. I don't get any money from this, just FYI haha) and share it with the world. No matter what religion, ethnicity, or location you are presently at, this song will move you. I promise. 

"Jesus has overcome, and the grave is overwhelmed.
The Victory is won, He is Risen from the dead a
and I will Rise when he calls my name. No more sorrow, no more pain.
...Before my God, Fall on my knees, and Rise."
I am so grateful that I can share my testimony of the real meaning of Easter with you all through this special video. 
Enjoy. 




P.S. Look closely at 3:19, there may or may not be a short shot of me ;)
Also, fellow bloggers, if you share this (which I hope you will!) please link it back to my site somehow! Thanks a million. 




Oh, and this is my choir messing around during filming.
May I remind you that it was FREEZING. Like, unbearable. We were shivering through the entire shoot. 
So worth it, though.
This is us, just doing our Justin Bieber dance. 
Love it. Need it. Crave it. I'm the one in front, yelling. Of course. 
#ohchoirpeople





xoxo. 
Happy Easter!!!