Sierra's View: November 2012

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Sunday, November 25, 2012


Any reason why my Blogger account will not allow me to upload any more photos? It claims that I do not have any more storage in my goggle blogger account to upload any more? How do I delete some photos? Where are they? Why is it saying this? Ahhhh!!! Haha.

Help, oh ye wise and experienced bloggers! I'm a little incompetent when it comes to these things sometimes...

Monday, November 19, 2012


Wow. Wow. Wow. 
I am so overwhelmed with the the positive feedback, love, and support that I received after my last somewhat controversial (for lack of a better word) post. 
Thank you.
That's all I can really say; thank you. 
I will respond soon to all of your amazing comments just as soon as I remember to start breathing again.
Senior Projects, Papers, Observations, Planning Lessons, Grading, Not Sleeping.
That's what my life consists of.

But, in the meantime, I will be going to the California desert for Thanksgiving with my family. 

(not my picture...obviously. I have a million pictures of San Diego--just not the desert outside of San Diego/LA :)) 

I have so much to be grateful for amidst the chaos. 
And I can't wait to just enjoy it, ya know?
So, yea. 
Let's just say things are looking up for this week!
Let's just hope that Landon and I don't run into any problems along the way like our past Thanksgiving Road Trip Excursions have seem to bring us...
...God must really want us to be grateful....

Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving Break!
And in case I don't see ya (which is very likely) 
Good Afternoon, good evening, and good night!
(name that movie)


Thursday, November 15, 2012

Why This Blog Exists.

I was reading Aunie's page a couple of minutes ago and was bombarded with a flood of emotions. I recently have been quite frustrated with the blogging world. I feel like all this "world" is, is a compilation of women trying to show that they wear the most fashionable clothes, or have the most perfect lives or are the most trendy women on this planet. 
I follow so many blogs.
Not because I care about knowing "what's in" or "what's popular" but those specific blogs that I follow are ones that are REAL. Some of them are women that I have met and truly enjoyed being around in person, so I WANT to follow their blogs because I like them. But these are blogs that possess a quality of truth to them-- I can hear, read, and even feel the blogger's personalities.
I originally started this blog to write.
To write down my thoughts and feelings. I have a lot of those. And I needed an escape.
And it just so happened that others liked reading it.
I write for me. My blog is for me. 
Do not get me wrong, I am so happy for all of my followers and for all of the support and for all of the friends that I have made over the course of this time, but I have learned to just accept my blog for what it is.
It is, in a way, therapy for me. 
And I'm going to be real. I'm going to be honest. 

I am so sick of the competition that takes place in this blogging world.
I asked to button swap with a certain blog the other day (I won't name names, however, I will say that I instantly stopped following hers) and she sent back an enormously condescending email that essentially said, "Oh honey, you don't have even close to the amount of followers I have, so that's not okay. But go find someone who is small like your blog."
I laughed out loud as a I read it. I totally understand where she is coming from. But seriously?
You are not a celebrity because you have 1,000 followers.
You are a blogger. 
Who clearly is not blogging for YOU.

So, my ladies (and few gentleman!) I am not telling you to write on your blogs. Believe me. You can do what you want. But as for me and my blog, we will be keepin' it real over here.
If you know what I mean.

So much love. 
(maybe a little bitterness, k?)

So really, aunie, in a round about way, I was thanking you for your post :)

Wednesday, November 14, 2012


Yea, I know.
I know it is the middle of November, but if you decide to sponsor Oh, Just Living the Dream, I will allow you stay through November and ALL of December. So, really, today is your lucky day.

But seriously. 
There are only a few spots left so button away, my favorite people!
 I would love to have you on this blog. 
I'm not going to sit here and convince you to do it, because, let's be honest, I don't have the time nor the energy to right now. Strep throat and the flu for the whole past week has really gotten to me, let me tell ya. 
And if you want to do it, you will. 
You all are pretty individualistic women (er, you few men), right?
Plus, if you love me, you will do it. (passive aggressive much?)

Just click on the link below and it will guide you through the lovely steps.

Since I am just starting these passionfruit ads and let's face it, I am pretty fresh at this whole thing (hey, we all have to start somewhere, right?) I would love to do BUTTON SWAPS with you all. Just shoot me an email and I will let you know the promo code. I only have a couple more spots open for button swaps though, just FYI so get to me fast! 

Happy Button Swapping my Bubbly Bloggers!
(10 points for alliteration). 

If you're completely incompetent, here's how you do it:
1. Click on the Sponsor tab above.
2. Click Buy Now--for "Dreamin" Button (my only option for right now)
3. Upload 200x100 picture
4. Make sure to link it back to your page!
5. I accept it.
6. Wa la! Not rocket science.

P.S. Come be my friend all over the internet :)

Oh, Just Living the Dream Facebook Page

Oh, one more thing:
I am SO blog hopping right now.
it's fun.
You should try it.
Come on, everyone's doing it.
This blogging ish just got REAL, people.

Blog-working Wednesday!

Monday, November 12, 2012


I know this is long.
But I PROMISE it is worth every minute.
This is so perfect.

I am just lying here with a fever, migraine, nausea, and an awful sore throat.
So, this is what you get today.
And believe me, you will thank me for this.

Favorite Quotes:

The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -- which we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.

The people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it. They believe they're worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection...

They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental.

The problem is -- and I learned this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. (Laughter) I don't want to feel these.

You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." That's our job. 

I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive. And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.


Come stalk me other places, k?

And don't forget to follow me on this blog, too.
Duh. :)

I have yet to begin my technical sponsorship 1) because I do not have the time to start that right now 2) I sort of hate the blogging world right now. #cycnicalcindyoverhere
With that being said--if we have similar blogs, I would love to do a button swap! Just leave a comment and/or email and me and lets do a switch-a-roo! 

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Sounds about Right.

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, 
compassionate with the aged, 
sympathetic with the striving, 
and tolerant of the weak and the strong. 
Because someday in life you will have been all of these.

My life right now. 

Me. Not right now. Obviously. 

Tuesday, November 6, 2012


Don't worry, this is a good politics post. :)

Regardless of your race, religion or political views, this is still a powerful picture.



This was a student of mine's response to "Write about what it would be like if you were President." 
Oh no, I think I need to be worried.  

Happy Election Day! 
May our new President do a much better job than what my 4th grader would do.... 

Monday, November 5, 2012



It's been a rough day.
But I have had a lot of tender mercies happen. 
I'm sitting in my classroom. It's 7 pm. I'm not working. I'm just thinking. 
I think it has become my safe haven--the only place I truly can get some alone time.
As I am sitting here attempting to plan for guided reading, I began reading posts about my niece.
And I watched this video of my two month old niece who passed away one year ago. 

Holland Kay, you have consistently been on my mind for the past two weeks.
I haven't watched this video in a year. And now I remember why.
I bawled like a baby through the entire thing.
Save a spot for us up there in heaven, okay, sweetie? 

Some posts written about Holland: 


Sunday, November 4, 2012

Word Vomit.

Just a note: I posted over at Speak Now Blog a couple of weeks ago. I forgot to let you know!
Go Check it out!

I am finally posting!!!
I know, I KNOW, I have been so bad at blogging. I appreciate all of those who have continued to stick around. I am going to try really hard to be better. 
I just needed some "space". 
And now, I just need to write. 
So, you ready for some scattered word vomit?

The elections are coming up on Tuesday and I am surprisingly nervous for them. I truly hope that this country tries everything in their power to make the best decision they know--not to just follow the crowd or do what they want, but to do they know will be best for this country and our future. So get out and vote, people!!! 

It's starting to get colder here in Utah, which I hate. But I do love Thanksgiving and Christmas time. Bittersweet, ya know?

This past week at school has been a little difficult. I have a couple boys in my class who are giving me a run for my money (yes, the very small amount of money that I do make! Ha). Both of them have very difficult home lives, and I am sympathetic towards them, but they are defiant and manipulative, which I have very little patience for. The students were extra bad this week due to the intake of excessive Halloween candy, so my patience was minimal. I want to help these boys, but in a lot of ways, I just don't know how. I know what they need is just love. So I love them. With all that I can. But I won't lie, it has been difficult for me to love them. They are intelligent, bright, funny kids and I do have a special place in my heart for them, but it is exhausting to have the same fight with them over and over and over again. I have been fighting to find something, anything, to motivate them to do their schoolwork and to have good behavior. The next step, I guess, is to simply pray. 
As I am sitting here typing all of this, I am reminded of how much a teacher truly does. I am not only a teacher, but I am a friend, a mentor, a mom, and a therapist. I deal with not only academic issues, but everyday physical, mental, and emotional needs of these kids. They all have such wonderful potential, and my job is to instill that drive, into them in order to succeed. 
I love my job so much, but my goodness, it is exhausting. It drains me. And I am slowly learning how to balance my life so that I can stop being a work-a-holic but still help these children. One part of it that is so difficult is that I am transitioning into "real life" now. I have a real career and my life is very different than it has been for the past four years. And that transition is, well, hard. It sucks growing up! And I am trying to be a perfectionist in my classroom and in my life. Yet, I have learned that balancing my career life will come with time. In the meantime, I just need to take things one day at a time and remind myself that teaching will get easier. 

I have my friends from Kenya Keys coming down to my school to talk about what life and education is like in Kenya on Friday. My 4th graders and I talk about my experience in Kenya and what life is like there all of the time. If they start ruining things in their desks or misplacing pencils, etc. I always remind them that my students in Kenya only received two pencils for the entire school year. They love to see pictures and hear stories of these kids halfway across the country; that live in a completely different world. I'm excited to have them hear more! I am also excited to see my dear, sweet Kenya friends. I cannot wait to go back and visit that place that has shaped me so much.  
 Oh, and more observations from my school mentors are happening this week. Cannot wait for those to be done in DECEMBER. So close! 

As many of you know, I have a missionary. He comes home fairly soon. 
When? I am still not entirely sure.
I have never really talked about him before on my blog, so this is a big step.
But recently, I have been having a hard time with that entire situation.
I am unaware of when he is actually coming home (it's complicated) so I feel as though I am sort of just waiting around for this boy. And that is so not like me. I have never been that kind of girl.
But it's hard. 
Really hard.
It's hard to know if I should just continue on with my life or be patient. 
Either way, it is difficult to have feelings for someone who I haven't seen or talked to (except through email, letters, and phone calls on certain holidays) and to know what's going to happen.
Essentially, what it comes down to, is that this entire situation is difficult because I do not know what is going to happen in the future. And that, my friends, makes me feel very anxious. 
As much as I try not to think about it, I do. And it gets harder every day. I feel as though I am just ready for that next step of my life, but I feel stuck too. Ugh.

A couple of weeks ago was the one year anniversary of my two month old niece, Holland, passing away. 
I don't think I was mentally or emotionally aware that it was going to be that difficult. I thought that, in a way, I was going to be ready for it. I was prepared. 
But I wasn't.
I remember the day before the first anniversary of Holland's passing, I could not seem to get out of bed. I was sad. I got a speeding ticket. It all kind of just muddled together. And, in a way, I completely shut down. I pushed away from people because I didn't know how to explain everything that I was feeling. It was as if I was feeling nothing and everything at the same time. But, to be frank, I am still haunted by the negative experiences that correlate with her death. I remember receiving the phone call, I remember trying to be there for my sister, feeling completely helpless. I remember the pain, stress, and hardship that accompanied her death. I remember the extreme difficulty of the entire situation. 
Death never really goes away. And everywhere on her anniversary, I will probably remember this. But, just like everything in life, it will get easier. 

And, like, usual, winter time is hard for me. 
When winter hits, Seasonal Affective Disorder bombards me and I have to remind myself that I need to work 3x as hard as most people at getting out of bed in the morning. And that's okay. As long as I keep going. 
It gets easier. It always does.  
Stress is a severe trigger for my depression. And I need to remember that life is to be enjoyed, not just endured. And for the past three months I have been simply enduring everything. Which is okay because that was really my only option. 
I have made a goal to work out 4-5x a week. I love my new gym that I just joined and I am ready to stop feeling sorry for myself. I am ready to practice balancing everything in my life. Again. Like I have to remind myself every year. Ha. 

Happy November! Can't believe it's already almost Thanksgiving. Although this time of year tends to be hard for me, I love it at the same time. 
Here's to taking things one step at a time!

And for your viewing pleasure, here are some pictures from my Halloween:

At a Halloween Party, I was a hick. (That is not alcohol by the way). You should see my hair without that hat...

And one of my best friends, Adam, was my blog for Halloween. Hahahahaha. 

So perfect.

My friends like to make fun of me for my blog. They think it's funny.
So kind.
But pretty hilarious costume!!

At school I decided to be an escape convict/prisoner. I told the kids that if they did drugs, this is what would happen to them. Why am I so freaking funny?

Love his costume. 

Told you I have funny students. And friends. 
I just have a funny life. 
Have a great week, people.