Sierra's View: Dumb Decisions.

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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Dumb Decisions.

I have some things to say right now. I'm not sure how to put them into words, so this is the most I can write down. Often times, I have a problem expressing myself because I want to clarify it perfectly. Partly because I'm a perfectionist, but more importantly because I want you to completely understand the anxiety and pureness of feelings behind it.
So bear with me.
I am currently listening to Adele's new cd:21. It has, quite literally, changed my life. I am hoping that her soothing voice will guide me.

I've been in "love" with a lot of "jerks." I have fallen for their trap; I have stupidly followed their manipulative words. I have made stupid decisions in my life; decisions which I cannot completely erase. Yet, I don't particularly WANT to erase them because they have molded me into the person I am today. But, as I see people around me, people that I love with all of my heart, making unwise decisions I get enormously frustrated.
I get so upset because I have seen myself make some of these stupid decisions. I have felt the pain of a guy playing with my heart. I have gone off my gut: and sometimes that's not the best way to make decisions. Sometimes, you need more than guts. You need common sense to think through. (Yes, this is coming from the most illogical human being ever). I'm the first person to attest that good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.
I've had a lot of experiences recently that have brought me into a state of mini depression. And you know what's interesting?
All of these experiences stem from disappointment. Disappointment in others, disappointment in myself.
But I just had an epiphany: I CAN'T CONTROL WHAT OTHERS DO.
I can only imagine what it was like to be my parents. I feel a minimal amount of pain and sadness they felt as they watched me make decisions that brought me lower and lower.
I cannot control those around me; as much as I'd like to. I need to allow them to make their own decisions. And if they fall, I need to continue to support them. People don't function the way that I do; they don't think through everything the same way that I do. I need to accept their individuality and their decisions and love them despite our differences.

Sometimes we get so blinded by words; especially me. I think this is a big part of where my disappointment comes from. I constantly want to hear the right words and i want solidification. We are all insecure at times. I am one of the most confident people I know, and I get self conscious sometimes. I want words to coagulate what I am lacking. But here's what we all need to remember:

You're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, its always their actions you should judge them by. Its actions, not words, that matter.

If you are going to make a decision; stick with it. If you are going to prove something, show people by your actions. There are enough silly phrases, enough manipulative words, enough fake love speeches for this world. Prove your character, your love, your true self by having your actions coincide with your words.
I know I am hard on people. It's only because I see others' potential, and I want them to live up to it.

Are you living up to your potential? Are your actions matching your words? Is your mind being blinded by only your heart? Are you constantly growing and trying to change if something is not healthy or working?

"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.”

Life is the sum of all your choices. ~Albert Camus

Note: I know this is a little more harsh than usual. I may have a little angst still. Like they say, never write when you're angry. haha. Oh well.

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